This just sucks

This week has been pretty rough. Between the living situation, the boy situation, and the school situation, I am already rapidly approaching a mental breakdown, and I haven't even been back in New York for a week.

First, the living situation. When I came back after being gone for two months, I found the house in complete disarray. Not surprising. I got drunk off my ASS the night I got here, but spent the following day cleaning up the entire place. I tried avoiding my bathroom whenever possible, since there were shit and vomit stains aplenty on the toilet, and mold growing on the sink. Seriously, that's just revolting. My one roommate is bulimic, so that makes the vomit stains easily identifiable, but aren't bulimics supposed to clean up after themselves? And the shit stains? You'd think I live with a bunch of frat boys. No, I share my bathroom with two girls majoring in art. And the mold on the sink? Don't get me started.

So I cleaned. And will continue cleaning until we move out, because their habits make me sick to my stomach.

Next, the boy situation. Like I said, either there's no one in my scope or there's no less than five at any given time. I'm currently in the middle of a storm of boys, and I must say that it's more depressing than anything else. I still have V clinging to my side, but we're still able to be good friends without too much awkwardness, so that's not too much of an issue at the moment. I also still have Cesar, the guy from DC, who I like a lot. Fortunately, he understands the situation I'm in with school and all, so he's also not in need of urgent attention. This leads us to Josh, the guy I've been on the phone with a LOT recently.

His sister used to go to my school here, so that's how we know each other. We had never actually met, though, just hours upon hours of phone conversation starting this past weekend. On Tuesday afternoon, I got really bored, so I decided to drive to Albany where he lives for dinner and hanging out before he had to go to work that night. I got to Albany, he took me to a very nice dinner, we went to the hospital where he and his sister both work so I could say hi to her, then we ended up back at his apartment.

Sex and the City was on tv, I remember that. We weren't really watching it, though. Minor making out commenced, followed by minor horizontal-ness on the couch. Before long it was time for him to go to work, but he said he wasn't going, since he wanted me to stay. That was fine by me, since we were having a really nice time. He's not really my type physically, but we get along great, so I figured it couldn't hurt to stay the night.

It would be an understatement to say that things went fast. I didn't particularly enjoy how quickly we went, but I wasn't entirely opposed either, so I decided to just go with the flow rather than make him embarassed or upset. I didn't sleep much that night.

Now that I'm back, he's been sending me text messages telling me how much he misses me, etc. I don't know how I feel about that. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and all, but he's already an hour and a half away, and come this may, that will become six and a half hours away. I'm not interested in that. Plus, like I said, he really *isn't* my type. Now I don't know what to do. I do like him in a way, but I don't think it's worth pursuing. Who knows.

THEN...

Remember PJ? He's the guy I met about a year ago, from Kentucky. We went to NYC for spring break last year with two of my friends, and he ripped me off $600 and I never heard from him again. I bitched about it a long time ago.

Anyway, around that time, I got a voicemail from this buy Brian who claimed to be one of PJ's ex-boyfriends, warning me not to trust anything PJ told me. Since PJ and I were still friends at the time, I disregarded it as being from a bitter ex, but saved the voicemail just in case. Fast forward to this past weekend, when I thought of PJ and got angry all over again about the money he owes me. Since I was hanging out with my two friends who went to NYC with him and I, we decided to give him a call to see why he sucks so much. None of us had his number, though. I suddenly remembered Brian's voicemail, so I got Brian's number from that and we called Brian after getting drunk. Brian was a very nice guy and gave us PJ's new number immediately, but we ended up chatting with him for quite some time. Finally we hung up with Brian and called PJ. He acted happy to hear from us, even though we knew he wasn't. He chit-chatted with my friend Erin for a while, then talked to me. I eventually brought up the $600, and he said "yeah, I haven't forgotten about that, and I'd really like to talk to you about it sometime privately." He said he'd call me Sunday. I haven't heard from him.

Anyway, Brian and I have spoken a few times since then. Erin and I drunkenly offered to join him in NYC if he ever wanted to come up, and he's apparently thinking about taking us up on the offer. He spoke to Erin yesterday, and apparently told her that "Sevensurge sounds like a really great guy, I think I'd like to meet him sometime." That's very flattering and all, but you're a 30-something country boy from Kentucky who used to date a jackass who owes me a lot of money. Kinda weird. At the very least, he and I have the ripped-off-by-PJ thing in common. Poor Brian apparently lost thousands to the douchebag over a long period of time and had to end up selling his house to cover it all. I guess my $600 loss isn't so bad in comparison, but shit, I'm a poor college student.

Finally, the school situation. I have to write my senior thesis in order to graduate, but I have no f'n clue what to write it on. It has to be directly related to my major, business management, but it also has to be something I actually *want* to research. First of all, I HATE research. HATE IT. And here I have to write a 60-page original research paper? I'm fucked! I'm thinking of writing it on a real estate-related topic, since I'm interested in that, but I did a search for "real estate" at my school's library, and they have no books on the topic. Zero! How am I supposed to write 60 pages with a minimum of 30 sources when the library doesn't have ANYTHING!? I can't even think about it right now.

As a result of all of this, I've been overeating. I'm a girl when it comes to stress. In the past 24 hours, I've polished off an entire can of Pringles and half a package of Chewy Chips Ahoy, though the rest will probably be gone once the night is through. This is, you know, in addition to full meals. Several people have been telling me lately that I've lost weight, which is really exciting since I've been wanting to, but now it won't even matter. I'll probably be pushing 200 pounds by the time graduation rolls around.

I need to go read a book or something to take my mind off all of this.

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