it's been a while

My last entry was six months ago. I practically forgot that this thing even existed, but it came to me for some reason today, and I've spent the last half hour reading my previous entries. I crack myself up sometimes, I tell you...

Where to even start... my mom and family on that side are doing worse than ever. That's depressing to talk about, though, so that's enough of that.

Phil and I progressed down a frighteningly rocky path for perhaps too long, and it ended very painfully. I somehow failed to convey my feelings to him along the way, never drilling it into his head how much he truly meant to me. He continued to allow himself to stray elsewhere, and to an extent I allowed it to happen. Lines were crossed, I could no longer stand by and watch, and things got ugly.

I left him, and didn't see him for a month. During that time, my interest in another friend peaked, but now I don't know where that stands. He has made his feelings about the whole Phil situation very clear, and is beginning to kinda be a dick about it. We're getting together soon to talk about everything, but I don't know where I stand on that whole thing.

Now, Phil is back in my life and begging/pleading/groveling to get me back. At first I dismissed it, figuring it was his usual post-fucking up routine. Soon, however, I realized this wasn't the same thing I'd heard before. I've seen him twice in the past two days, after a month of being nowhere near one another. He has tearfully told me to my face that he never said the things he should have said, did the things he should have done, etc. He said that he is dreadfully sorry for the things he put me through, and understands that I may never be able to see him in the same light again. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and only hopes that I'll have him in return. He's said his life is nothing without me in it, and that he was a fool for not giving into that before, when I was still by his side.

The words he says have an effect on me, I'd be lying if I said they didn't. However, I am proud to say that I didn't melt and give in to him as I've done in the past. Instead, I held my ground and told him that if we're meant to be together, then one day we will be. If he wants me back in his life, all he can do is work on things step by step. The first step is friendship, and that will take some time. He understands, and is willing to do what it takes. In the meantime, I will stay strong.

In other news, I'm meeting my New York bitches for a reunion in a few weeks, and words cannot explain how goddamn excited I am. I had to forfeit this year's vacation due to my breakup with Phil, so this is it. I fucking love this group of people, and know that every second of this trip will be filled with laughs, alcohol, illegal substances, and trips down memory lane. I can't wait.

I hope to go to LA for a few days in November, to visit my friend Jim who's about to move out there. I have a free airline ticket that expires in December, so I'd may as well.

No plans so far for Christmas/New Years, which kinda bums me out. Last year that time was packed, and I really enjoyed it. I hope things start popping up.

That's all for now, bedtime.

I'm Listening To:
One Thing I Did Today: