This is complete and total crap

Things have been going downhill recently. And today only saw things get worse.

I went to one of my management classes (my major) this morning, and got two things returned: a quiz and a business evaluation. I got a 95 on the quiz. I got a 60 on the business evaluation.

Funny, I got an 80 on my first draft, and a 60 on the second. How does that work? My professor is such a dick. First of all, he's married with kids but refuses to wear his wedding ring to class, and takes every possible opportunity to physically touch every female student. Um, no? Second, he operates some utility company in the region, and thinks he's hot shit because of it. Um, who cares? But anyway. We each had to come up with an idea for a business a few weeks ago, and evaluate every aspect of starting the business-- finance, risk, insurance, inventory, investments, staffing, taxes... everything. I chose to evaluate a real estate investment business, since I'm basically doing that in real life anyway. My first stab at it got me an 80. He then made us all rewrite them, but with more specifics. So I did. And got a 60.

I went into his office this afternoon for an explanation of the horrible grade. He basically politely told me that my idea will never take off, I don't know what I'm talking about, and that I should just scrap it and start over again. Okay dude, I've already been having a horrible past few weeks, I do not need you to sit here and tell me that my future is never going to happen. We went over all the reasons why he thinks I suck, so I think I have a better understanding now of what he wants, but then the kicker came. He had said in class that if we wanted to rewrite them for a better grade, we could. So, in his office, I asked what I should do to rewrite it. He told me that I shouldn't even bother, and should instead focus on drafting my actual business plan which is due next week. I asked for clarification, wondering that if my business plan was awesome and blew this evaluation out of the water, perhaps he'd ignore the 60. He avoided the question and basically said, "just don't put any more effort into this, work on your plan." FUCK YOU, DUDE.

So being told that my future was bleak only added to my horrible day, which started when I went to say goodbye to my mom and the wee siblings. Not even an idiot could deny my mother's health problems, and it took everything in me to not swell up with tears as I watched her attempt to get everything out of their hotel room. When it was time to actually give hugs and say goodbye, I had to do it quickly to avoid a scene. As soon as I was outside and walking toward my car, I burst into tears and never really stopped for the rest of the day. I love being able to spend time with all of them, but at the same time I can't stand it. My depression gets 100 times worse when I'm around them, I feel so helpless. There is no solution to this problem.

As of today I'm basically not speaking to two of my three roommates because of their behavior this weekend. So my 'home' life here is shit, I have no future, a huge part of my family is a constant source of pain and depression, and add to that all sorts of emotional shit that I won't even go into... it's just not a good time.

The only positive thing to come out of all this is the extremely rare lack of hunger. I made myself eat half a bowl of Cheerios at lunch time, and forced myself to eat a small bowl of fried rice for dinner. But I'm still not hungry. Perhaps this will continue for a while, allowing me to look better by the time I'm (hopefully) in Tampa, one month from today.

Something has got to change. Very, very soon.

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One Thing I Did Today: