My Ten Commandments are better than yours

I've got 10 things to say:

First, I heard an amusing joke at the party on Friday night and felt the need to share it here. Stop me if you've heard this one before...

Two gay men and two lesbians are getting ready to go on a trip. Which couple is ready first? The gay men -- they already have their shit packed.

While I don't think I laughed at the time, the joke just popped into my head this afternoon and made me laugh. So there ya go.

Second, today I had an away message up that said something along the lines of "any suggestions for what I can do today to be productive?" I got several responses, all of which were serious, except for Tiffany's which simply stated "masturbate." She has since asked if I took her advice. I had to be honest and say no, although I did reassure her that I would most likely be inadvertently taking her advice later this evening.

Third, everything seems to be in place for my return to New York one week from today. I'm ridiculously excited.

Fourth, it really shouldn't make me giggle when I think about all of the bushes I've been trimming lately.

Fifth, it has become painfully obvious that J has no intentions of ever even letting me say goodbye. That makes my heart hurt.

Sixth, my dog is snoring.

Seventh, I need to contact fiestada and see how her new job is going.

Eighth, 'Wick is, once again, raping me of every shred of decency I ever had. I took 12 credits this summer, all to be transferred to 'Wick. 'Wick considers a full-time course load to be anywhere from 12-18 credits per semester. I was told that if any of my transferred credits bumped me over that 18 credit limit, I would have to pay the per-credit overage fee which is complete bullshit. However, now they're also telling me that those transferred credits don't apply to my current load, so if I take 10 credits in the fall and transfer 6 in, I'm still technically only taking 10 credits, which means I'm a part-time student and will lose my health insurance. So basically it all comes down to the fact that I have to take more classes than I need to graduate just to remain insured. This fucking sucks my ass. Thank you for promptly punishing me for my attempts to get ahead! Kisses!

Ninth, I have an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets.

Tenth, this weekend, while visiting my mother, I sat on her couch and broke down how exactly I would divide $500,000 for her benefit if someone were gracious enough to give it to me. $300,000 would go toward paying off debt, including their mortgage. $50,000 would go toward home improvements, which they totally deserve. I would set aside $40,000 in a college fund for each of the three wee siblings, leaving $30,000 for a new minivan. I just do these things.

I'm Listening To:
One Thing I Did Today: