Sorry, no coherence here

Last year during the Super Bowl, I was in St. Louis. I had only been home from Prague for a few days, and jet lag was starting to catch up with me, so I was half asleep during my entire stay. I was with my best friend, though, so it was well worth it.

During the game, she and I were sitting in a cafe at her school, playing a board game that was built into the table. We enjoyed Maggie Moo's ice cream for the first time. It was very, very cold out. I felt like my visit helped her and I become closer again, and it made me quite happy.

From St. Louis I flew to Ft. Lauderdale to visit another good friend of mine. It was abnormally warm there, and I wore tee shirts and shorts the entire time. During my visit there, I slept with a girl, saw Titzilla's famous demonstration, was the object of my friend's roommate's sexual fantasy with his boyfriend, experienced Miami's Cuban district first-hand, learned of a friend's HIV+ status, and had a picnic in the parking lot of a business park in the middle of the night.

Tonight I hung out with a few friends, but mostly just cleaned up after the 20-30 people at this party, and felt sick to my stomach from overeating.

Last year was better.

I miss my friends. I feel like I rarely see them. During this winter break, I've definitely developed my "gay life," but I feel like my real life has suffered as a result. I first stepped into this one gay bar in Baltimore when I got home in December. I have since been to that bar at least 15 times. I'm afraid that I'm turning into someone I don't want to be. I don't drink much when I'm there, and pay for only a fraction of my drinks. But that's part of the problem. I feel like I'm leading people on, but I know I'm not. Eh, I can't put it into words.

Up until now, I've wondered if I've been missing some part of the gay life. Now that I've been fulfilling my duties as a young homo, I feel as though I've been missing out on my real life.

If I could have just one wish, I *think* it would be to have the ability to just be happy. To stop thinking "what if." To just settle with what I've got, instead of playing every possible scenario in my head. Meh.

Last week I found out that my least favorite roommate in New York bought a mouse at the pet store and SET IT LOOSE IN OUR HOUSE so that her kitten would "get better at tracking them down." I swear to god, when I see her after I go back, I'm going to punch her in the face until her teeth start falling out. She is the dumbest bitch on Earth.

My dog, however, is the cutest bitch on Earth.

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